Playing the long game

Instead of feeling like I’m not doing enough, can I find appreciation in accepting what I can do? Plus, announcing new mountain bike partner!

It feels so good to push the limits. It gives off such a high to feel like you are working hard, pushing past fatigue, going out even when your body is aching, stacking bricks. You feel like you are improving, you feel tough… that’s what’s celebrated in our culture nowadays. And the feeling is addictive.

Part of me would like to be doing this right now, but I’m doing the opposite. Instead, here I am, one week away from my first race of the season, and I feel like I am not ready for it at all.

I keep having these discussions within myself. It’s the typical angel and demon conversation:

Demon: “I want to ride longer and harder. The races are coming and I want to be good.”

Angel: "You need to take it slow. You’re coming off months off the bike. No pressure to be great right now. Stay patient."

Demon: "But the races are coming! You need to push harder. You can’t afford to fall behind."

Angel: "What’s the goal? To prove you're tough or to actually improve?"

Demon: "Both. Being tough is what makes you, you. It’s your job to work hard. And you feel good when you're pushing limits."

Angel: "Yeah? And how did that work out last time? You ran yourself into the ground."

Demon: "But I feel good now!"A little extra fatigue never killed anyone… right?"

Angel: "Uh, actually… that’s kind of the whole problem."

Demon: "Okay, but hear me out—suffering builds character.

Angel: "You know what else builds character? Not making the same mistake twice." Don’t let your insecurities guide your decisions."

It’s a constant effort to remind myself to stay patient.

It begs the question: is my urge to work harder driven by ego? Does it fuel my identity as being someone who is a hard worker? Maybe. Do I also enjoy looking impressive on Training Peaks? …Let’s not talk about that. I see online everybody smashing monstrous rides or races, and this is NOT what I’m doing right now. Am I falling behind? Why do I even feel the need to compare? Too many questions, this is getting out of hand.

And yet, what is the goal of all this hard work? To work hard for the sake of working hard, or to try to improve? To feel like I’m a superhero or to actually become a better athlete? Instead of feeling like I’m not doing enough, can I find pride in being patient and appreciation in accepting where I am now and what I can do?

And what will make me a better athlete? Doing hero rides and hero workouts? Or slowly building up my volume and my capacity to endure workload and fatigue, taking a lot of rest, and progressively adding intensity?

It’s a lot more badass to be doing hero rides and long hard workouts. And quite frankly, doing those does feel good! You do feel like a hero when you complete workouts like that.

However, I decided to play the long game this year. My time to do hard workouts and push my limits will come, but that time is not right now for me. Consistency over intensity. It’s not a new concept, but it is one that needs constant reminding. Right now, I’m starting further behind than usual, and my recent history is filled with bad health and chronic fatigue. That’s my reality. This is the reality check I didn’t order, but here it is—special delivery. Thank you!

No matter what story I try to tell myself—that it’d be incredible to start my season with a win alongside my new partner (see below!), or that I’ve handled heavy loads for 15 years and can do it again—this is where I actually am."

They say that : “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Even though I want to push my limits to feel good about myself — like I’ve always done — it would be foolish to dig myself into a hole just as I’m climbing out of one.

Monthly and weekly training volume. March is bigger than the last 3 months combined, and still much lower than a typical average month.

And so here we are! The first race of the season is coming up in a few days and I am not ready. Well, I don’t feel ready.

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to it. In fact, I may hold a different advantage. While I may not be as strong or as fit or as prepared, I am fresh and I am motivated. I want to work hard. My body wants to push. And when they say go, I’ll be there on the start line ready to hit my pedal and give it my best shot.

And who knows!? Maybe I’ll learn something. Maybe I won’t be very fast on the climbs and that will be a great opportunity to try to capitalize on my skills. Maybe not being super fast will be a chance to enjoy the race for what it is, and not because it fuels my ego to be at the front. And what if I am fast? Maybe I’ll be better than I think. And perhaps, if that is the case, I’ll learn that a different approach of less training and more freshness can be beneficial for me?

Either way, I’ll find out. And whether it’s a wake-up call or a confidence boost, I’m ready to embrace it. Worst case? I’ll get dropped and have more time to enjoy the Moab scenery!

This year, I’m playing the long game.

Instead of worrying about not doing enough, enjoying this special time where I can be active, be flexible with the training, and getting back into riding more!

Idea Worth Sharing: Time to Party! (New bike partner)

I know the Idea Worth Sharing section is not usually for sponsor news…but there’s an idea worth sharing in this one! I’m really excited to share with you that I’m joining Transition Bicycle Company as my new mountain bike partner!

It’s an unlikely pairing. I race cyclocross and cross-country mountain bike races. Transition is known for pushing boundaries in gravity mountain biking, but they took a chance on me and their down-country rocket, the Spur. I love that they think outside the box, and I feel lucky to be part of a brand that values both performance and fun.

Sometimes, the most unlikely pairings create the best fit. I’m inspired by Transition’s approach to riding—prioritizing fun without sacrificing performance—and I’m excited to see what I’ll learn from them. Their team is stacked with insanely skilled riders, and I’m stoked to learn from them, push my limits, and embrace their “rider-first” philosophy. From day one, I’ve felt how much they value connection, whether it’s their infamous employee rides or the way they bring riders together.

So far, the Spur has been everything I hoped for—playful, nimble, and fast. I can’t wait to race it on singletrack-heavy courses this summer.

Now, I just need to work on my jumping skills if I want to keep up on one of their legendary employee rides in Bellingham! 🚀

So many fun adventures on this sweet bike already!